Picky eating - the truth about what’s normal and what’s not
Chances are good that your child’s picky eating is actually totally normal, and I’m here to help you figure out whether or not that’s true for your child.
I know what you’re thinking: But, you don’t know my child! What if their picky eating isn’t normal? It doesn’t feel normal. Mealtimes are stressful for me and for my child, and it doesn’t seem to be improving.
Hear me out.
You’re right that I don’t know your child, but here’s what I do know: the research tells us that in toddlers and preschoolers more than half of families describe their child as a picky eater. More than half! This tells us that picky eating is, in fact, very common among 2-4 year old’s. Even more interesting, research suggests that we see a similar pattern in many kids: babies often willingly eat a varied diet - different proteins, fruit and vegetables - exactly the thing you’re likely struggling to get your child to eat these days. But then suddenly they enter the toddler years and everything changes. Your once ‘good’ eater is now suddenly picky!
I think that there’s power in understanding - in this case, understanding why we see such an increase in picky eating as kids enter the toddler years and why it may be so common.
Why is picky eating so common in young children?
When our children enter the toddler years, two things happen: their rate of growth slows and so they will naturally start to eat less, and they are starting to discover their autonomy and exert their independence with the things that they have control over - in particular, eating. So at this time, we see that children naturally become more choosy with their eating.
There’s also a theory that this increased pickiness in the toddler years is actually a helpful development that keeps kids safe. Research shows that kids younger than age 2 will more willingly ingest harmful, inedible foods. As babies become more mobile toddlers, one theory suggests that this increased pickiness actually serves to protect kids by helping them discern between edible and inedible foods. Other theories suggest that being reluctant to eat new foods (in psychology we call this neophobia) was an evolutionary advantage that reduced the risk of these newly mobile or not very discerning children eating things that were toxic or potentially hazardous. Which sounds like it was super helpful hundreds or thousands of years ago, but not so much these days.
One comforting thing that we learn from the extensive research done around picky eating, is that this pickiness will generally peak around age 3 and for most children will level off by age 6.
When is picky eating not normal?
When things start to move from the common picky eating into problematic feeding is when a few things are true:
Your child has fewer than 20 safe foods
Your child refuses to eat whole food groups
Your child is having difficulty swallowing, weight loss, rectal bleeding, or vomiting
Mealtimes have become stressful for you, your child, or your family - if anyone is leaving the table in tears or dreading the dinner hour, this is a good cue that things need to change
Eating is getting in the way of your child’s day-to-day life (i.e. not able to go to birthday parties or sleepovers for fear that there won’t be anything they feel comfortable eating).
If you found yourself nodding to any one of the items on this list, it’s an indication that your family could benefit from some support around your child’s eating. A great first step is always a conversation with your physician, but you should also know that there are other professionals who can support you on your journey! Occupational therapists, dietitians, and speech language pathologists are often part of feeding teams and are wonderful resources if you’re finding that you could use some extra support or guidance.
Regardless of whether your child’s picky eating is expected or not, I’m very sure that what you really want to know is: now what?
What can I do about my child’s picky eating?
I hope that reading this helps you to rest a bit easier in the knowledge that it’s likely that your child’s fussiness at mealtimes is an expected phase. We know that when parents are stressed about their children’s eating that it can actually increase the fussiness that we see. It becomes this tricky dynamic where you feel worried about your child’s eating so you encourage them to eat more, this is felt as pressure to eat, and that results in your child being less likely to eat, which makes you feel more worried and apply more pressure, etc. You can see where this goes. And I don’t want that to be your experience.
Here is my number one tip for getting your picky child to (eventually) eat: don’t pressure them.
I challenge you to spend the next 2 weeks not saying a single thing about what your child is eating about mealtimes. If they eat their broccoli, great! Don’t say anything. If they only eat 2 kernels of corn, okay. Don’t say anything. Talk about the weather, about plans for the weekend, or one thing that was good for their heart that day. Anything except the food. And just see what changes.
Also notice that word eventually - when we’re looking for changes with your child’s eating, it’s a long game. We’re looking for small shifts. And measure your progress in more than just the food that’s going in their mouths - measure it in how you feel after a meal: did you enjoy each other’s company? Did your child willingly sit down at the table? Really think about the things that are important to your family at mealtimes, and measure your success based on those things.
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Shannon Rolph is a pediatric Occupational Therapist and a mom to 3 (beautiful, wild, energetic) kids. She wholeheartedly believes 2 things are true: kids are amazing, and parenting can be hard. Shannon shares helpful information and practical strategies with parents and families to support them in finding more ease and joy in their parenting journeys.
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