3 reasons your child might be a picky eater & a proven strategy to help
Parents often come to me for help when they’re struggling with their child’s picky eating, and the big thing everyone wants to know is: How do I help my child eat better? But actually, the place that we need to start is understanding: Why is my child a picky eater?
When we start from this place of curiosity and seeking understanding, it puts us in a much better spot to start to problem solve. So that’s our goal here!
In this article we will:
explore the top reasons your child may be a picky eater so that you can approach the situation with a slightly different perspective.
Then we’ll dig into 3 of the most common underlying causes I see.
We’ll wrap up by learning a really powerful and effective way to support your child to start to expand their diet. Best of all, this is a strategy that you can start using today.
Kids do well if they can
It is always my assumption that kids do well if they can. They are not choosing to be picky eaters. The research confirms that when we move outside of the common picky eating that we’ve already discussed here, that there are generally underlying reasons that cause children to become selective with their eating.
The most common reasons that children are picky eaters
Sensory sensitivities
Oral motor challenges
Difficulties with digestion or food sensitivities
Temperament
Developmental diagnosis
Fear and unpleasant previous experiences
It is also important to remember that family dynamics play an important role in your child’s eating, too. We explored this in more detail here - if you haven’t read it yet I strongly encourage you to hop over to that article to explore the #1 best thing you can do to support your child’s eating.
Let’s dig into 3 of those underlying reasons, and then we’ll talk about a proven strategy you can use to help your child’s eating.
Underlying Reason #1 Sensory sensitivities
Eating is the most sensory rich activity that we do in a day. Each time we sit down to eat, each of our sensory systems is involved - sight (look at that juicy, red apple!), sound (listen to it crunch as I bite into it and the sound that happens when I chew it), smell (this is an interesting one actually - the next time you’re eating an apple, take a moment to mindfully notice it’s smell), touch (the feel of it’s hard skin, a soft spot on one side maybe), and most obviously, taste.
For many of us, engaging all of these senses when we eat mindfully can be a joyful experience. But for people who are more highly sensitive to sensory input, this can be a really challenging situation.
In my experience, it’s particularly true for children who are sensitive to touch and sound. Food presents SO many different textures to experience. Again, this adds richness to the eating experience for many of us. But for our sensitive kiddos, these varied textures present a really challenging situation. Similarly, for those who are sensitive to sound, sitting down to a family meal can be a particularly tricky time - the sound of other people crunching and chewing food, of utensils scraping on plates, of food being served. It can be a lot to handle!
Underlying Reason #2 Temperament
Research shows us that children who have trouble being flexible with their thinking, who have a low frustration tolerance, or who tend to have an anxious personality are more often picky eaters than their more easy-going peers. There are likely a few reasons that these qualities are associated with a higher probability of picky eating.
It is often true that children with these temperaments have a harder time accepting new things. They may also be more likely to pick up on and resist well-meaning encouragement from their caregivers to eat more/try a few bites (here’s why this is important). The combination of these things makes it trickier for our anxious or less flexible children to willingly accept or try new foods, and more likely that they will stick only to the familiar foods that they know and trust.
Underlying Reason #3 Developmental diagnosis
Picky eating is significantly more common in children with a developmental diagnosis like ADHD or Autism Spectrum Disorder. With ASD specifically, research has suggested that up to 70% of autistic children are picky eaters. The reasons for this are actually likely tied up in the underlying factors we listed above! With both ASD and ADHD, sensory processing differences are common. Very often with ASD we see a higher sensitivity to texture specifically, and we also see a higher need for control and predictability. With ADHD we often see differences in executive function skills that can lead to more rigid thinking patterns like we talked about above. Each individual child will have their own unique way of experiencing the world which may impact what we’re seeing with their eating.
mealtimes might not feel like this yet, but I promise you can get there!
Here’s the big question: what can I do to help my picky eater?
You’ve spent some time here exploring some possible underlying reasons and approaching your child’s eating from a place of curiosity - beautiful! That’s the best place to start. If you have found that sensory sensitivities, temperament, or developmental diagnosis might be some of the reasons underlying your child’s picky eating, here’s the best tip for you:
Make change slowly
With each of these underlying factors, new foods can be at best an unpleasant experience and at worst can feel downright threatening. As we work to expand your child’s accepted foods, we want to make sure that we do this really, really, (really!) slowly.
This means 2 things for you:
Take a long view. If you know that change will happen slowly, it’s important to zoom out and take a big picture view of how your child’s eating is changing. Maybe last month they wouldn’t accept carrots on their plate and this month they’re willing to be served one carrot stick. That is a win! That’s moving in the direction we’re aiming for. Rather than only focusing on eating the food, look for and celebrate all of the little steps that happen before that exciting first bite!
2. Look to make very small changes to foods that are already accepted, rather than introducing totally new things. In the therapy world we call this food chaining which is an extremely effective way to expand picky eaters’ diets. The idea is this: you’re going to start with a food that’s comfortable for your child right now, and then make small changes to that food. For example, if your child will only eat spaghetti right now, next you’re going to introduce them to fettuccini. Once fettuccini is accepted, you will introduce linguini. Once that’s okay, you’ll move on to another noodle that’s similar in colour, texture or shape, like angel hair pasta, or maybe thick rice noodles. You can see that in making these tiny bridges, you’re building up a much bigger repertoire of accepted foods over time - and you’ll be doing it in a way that feels safer and more comfortable for your child! Win - win!
If you found this helpful and want more practical parenting advice, sign up for my newsletter for monthly (ish) drops of really helpful strategies, straight to your inbox.
Shannon Rolph is a pediatric Occupational Therapist and a mom to 3 (beautiful, wild, energetic) kids. She wholeheartedly believes 2 things are true: kids are amazing, and parenting can be hard. Shannon shares helpful information and practical strategies with parents and families to support them in finding more ease and joy in their parenting journeys.
Connect with Shannon on social here
Sign up for the newsletter to get Shannon’s favourite tips, strategies, and resources to support your parenting journey.
